My Weird Life: You Don’t Know Me
You don’t know me. You have no clue what I struggle with on a daily basis. It is one thing to have an illness … a disease that people can see when they look at you, but another when you look perfectly healthy and are judged for what you can and cannot do because of a silent internal beast that destroys another little piece of you every day.
Even worse is the fact that you are no closer to a definite diagnosis than you were five … ten years ago. It could be this … keep a symptoms journal. No…we cannot give you anything for the pain since that would mask any new symptoms. Test after test … nothing conclusive. MRIs, CAT scans and still nothing.
Not knowing every day what will or will not work … what will or will not hurt … will there be something new to add to the ‘symptoms journal’? Life is never boring, but it is always racked with pain and uncertainty.
I won’t go into all the gory details of what happens to me each day. Just let it be known that I don’t travel like I planned in retirement, I plan even short trips to do errands around how life is when I wake up and go through the beginning of the day. Things sometimes change suddenly and unexpectedly so I choose to stay home … just in case. With summer, the heat is another challenge … causing extreme fatigue that hits suddenly when it is least expected. Fatigue that puts me to bed for the best part of the day until the sun goes down and the air begins a slow cool.
Due to unexpected and uncontrollable spasms in my lower esophagus and diaphragm, I no longer go out to eat. I can’t risk getting into the position of not being able to swallow a bite of food and deal with the results in public. Not what I saw for myself three years ago when I retired, but that is my daily reality.
Few people know of my daily struggles and I don’t whine or complain about my weird lifestyle. It is what it is and we all have to play the hand we are dealt. I spend my days reading and writing. Now that it is warmer, working in my container herb and vegetable garden adding something new almost daily. This activity must be done just at sunrise when the air is still cool or between 8:30 and 9:00 pm when the heat of the day begins to recede.
I have a full life … never lonely, but a life I didn’t plan and but one I manage day-to-day. So, don’t judge me, because you don’t know me.
Copyright © 2016 Annie Original NonFiction
Always…I wish you peace, joy and happiness, but most of all I wish you Love.
As Ever, Annie